ET phone home

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Man runs up Dh5m Etisalat bill!
By Adel Arafah
31 January 2006

ABU DHABI — A UAE national got an Etisalat bill for Dh5 million against phone calls and toll services. He refused to pay the bill, arguing that a computer error could have caused the bill to soar to astronomical levels, but the Court of First Instance and the Court of Appeal ruled in favour of Etisalat.

He approached the Supreme Federal Court, saying that the verdicts of the lower courts were unjustified since they had rejected his plea for the appointment of an actuary to assess the records of Etisalat.

Link to Article

The article doesn't clarify whether or not he is a business user or perhaps has multiple lines installed in his house or whatever;
but using my expert calculative skills;
even talking on the phone 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, for 30 days, at the rate of 20 dhs/minute, it would still only come out to 864000, times that by 5, if he had 5 lines and you'd still only get 4320000.
I'd really like to know how it is at all possible;
on 1 single telephone line, to accumulate a 5 million dirham bill; you'd have to talk 60 minutes an hour, 24 hours a day, 30 days NON STOP; and you'd still have to manage to spend 115.74074074074074074074074074074 dirhams a minute.

Anyone care to explain how this is possible? Perhaps if he was a business user or something, or he was using data lines, but it says "telephone bill"....

moderation.

As a result of someone taking offense to The best look at the Jumeirah Jane EVER, all types of comments are allowed (anonymous, blogspot member etc), but for at least a few weeks I must moderate every single comment made.

Sorry for inconvenience, but please comment if you are going to comment, don't shy away or anything.

If you read the posting, you'll see that some people were able to criticise the post constructively and have an intelligent conversation (Like they do on the Discovery Channel);
I will NOT accept ANY personal attacks against myself or fellow bloggers or even anonymous comments.

Unfortunately someone couldn't take the concept of "acting like a 5 year old" (you know the lessons they teach you in primary school, to share and be nice to your neighbours and all of that crap?).
They also must've slept through most of their reading lessons too.
Here's a clue;
THIS BLOG IS SARCASTIC, MOST OF THE TIME I EXHIBIT A VERY SARCASTIC MANNER TO MY POSTINGS, IF YOU KINDLY READ THE DISCLAIMER AT THE BOTTOM OF THE PAGE;

purely for entertainment purposes

Exactly that.
If you don't find it funny, please do not read, save yourself some oxygen from hyperventilating with stress upon reading my blog, I write it to be funny, if you're going to go spastic over the rantings of an 18 year old, PLEASE DO IT ON ANOTHER PLANET AND STOP STEALING MY DAMN OXYGEN.

Unfortunately there is no way at the moment to apply an IQ-quota to people who want to use the internet, but once my quest for world domination has been completed.....

The Best Look at the Jumeirah Jane EVER

Just to be PERFECTLY CLEAR, this piece of writing is intended for humour purposes only, I overly exaggerate things, I do so for "the funny factor", if you can't adjust to that fact, don't read it.

The 2 words which can describe the greatest amount of annoyance from any populace in Dubai are;
"Jumeirah Jane".

I can't personally claim to have invented the term "Jumeirah Jane" but I have recieved it on good authority that the term was coined sometime in the 80's with the massive influx of pesky damn europeans.

Of course, as "Jumeirah Jane" is a generalisation, I myself in describing it, must generalise; I don't know what the original creator wanted the term to define, but this is what I personally have come to understand it's describing of;
It describes a woman of European / American / South African / Australian / New Zealand / (insert 50 other countries here) origin, who usually drives either;

• A gas guzzling SVU
• A gas guzzling Mercedes
• A gas guzzling BMW
• A gas guzzling (insert expensive brand here)

They usually are housewives who employ one or more domestic servants, they spend their days sipping tea/coffee at Starbucks/Lime Tree Cafe/(insert-giant-expensive coffee-dealing-corporate-conglomorate-here) with their friends and purchasing mounds of groceries at more often than not, either "Spinneys" or "Park n' Shop", travelling by car for several hours to the most inconvenient shopping locations in Dubai, usually hold memberships to one or more overly expensive beach/health clubs, fill their days with the ludicrously difficult task of "driving 3 minutes down the road and picking up tiny Timmy from school" in said gas guzzling vehicle, spend at least 3 hours a day on sites like "expatmum.com" or "britishexpats.com", and the other 21 hours writing letters to newspapers under the alias of Maria complaining about the "extreme" levels of noise coming from the construction site across the road from the "extreme"ly underpaid labourers which ruined their coffee morning with other said Jumeirah Janes, they usually have a completely over-the-top hairdo, such as expensive-artificial-waves or some bleached-hair thing going on, they purchase mounds of crap like furniture, carpets, curtains, 95 dirham-single-silver-desert-spoons etc from overly expensive locations like Ikea or The One, or some other crappy homestore, otherwise they go to REALLY expensive little arabian-boutique type shops for all sorts of totally necessary oriental rugs, and little trinkets.
They enjoy flocking en-masse to shops like The One in the event of a sale, whereby prices only inhibit a 7000% markup rather than the bog-standard 250,000% markup, despite the shiny "MADE IN CHINA" label present on every-single-freaking-item.

The simple 2-word 4-syllable has been given quite a following by the people of Dubai;
I've decided to do an investigation of the following it has been given by residents of the UAE;

Firstly; a ladies hair salon has been named after the term;

A cheeky crimper is likely to set tongues wagging in Dubai after naming her new hairdressing salon "Jumeirah Jane". Lisette Hoogerman, who spent four years working as a flight attendant with Emirates before setting up the salon, says the name was deliberately picked to provide some light-hearted controversy.

Link to Article

Secondly; Someone named a boat, as in a 64-foot-long-fucking-yacht after the term;

JUMEIRAH JANE - Length: 64 feet 11 inches (19.81 metres) Beam: 6 feet 9 inches (2.08 metres).Metal hull power of 52BHP. Registered with BW number 503674 as a Powered.

Link to Article

Thirdly; a pantomine character was named after the term;

This particular pantomime really brings out Dubai in various ways. Jumeirah Jane is the name of the dame (who is played by a man); Cactus Cantina is one of their favourite spots. To top it off, there is a Sultana of Satwa, as well as the climax song - Back in Dubai.

Link to Article

Fourthly; apparantly an item on a Sushi menu, known as the "Jumeirah Jane roll"

Sumo Sushi and Bento offers a competitive selection of fresh sushi and bento boxes and attractive corporate platters for events and company meetings. The restaurant’s menu also includes special 'house' dishes such as 'Tuna Lovers Bento', 'Crunchy Crazy Roll', 'Teriyaki Chicken Bento' and Dubai's own 'Jumeirah Jane Roll'.

Link to Article

Fifthly, a freaking race horse named after the term, as in one that runs around a patch of grass and that people bet on;
I don't have the FAINTEST idea what the hell they are on about, but from what I gather, there is a race horse title "Jumeirah Jane"

two bets 70k and 20k were the reason....they came from seperate simulcasting outlets in the northeast.....

sweet and firm 8.40 ? 13.20
callmeabc 16.20 78.40
jumeirah jane 43.00

Link to Article

Another reference to the horse

Sixthly, a SONG, as in a "video-killed-the-radio-star" pop monstrosity;

Yup - called Life in the Emirates and definitely by The Establishments. I even know the words!!!

They also sang one called Back In Dubai.

Link to Article

Seventhly; there is a book of poems about "Jumeirah Janes", sadly it is non-existant directly on the internet apart from a few mentions of it on random forums

After "Jumeirah Jane", you get quite a few similar terms;
Al-Ain Annes, Umm Sequeim Sarahs, Mirdif Martyrs, Ladies of The Lakes, The Nouveau Nancys/Neds, Meadows Marys, Lakes Lauras, Green Community Gwendolines, Springs Sophies, Gardens Inmates, Barsha Babes, Satwa Sallys, Deira Dorothys, Pajero Patricias, Lime Tree Elizabeths, Palm Island Paulinas, and Marina Marys;
I'm pretty sure that covers the term "Jumeirah Jane" from head to toe.

Clue Train Time

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It appears the Clue Train has yet to make it's visit to a location; a location that has been mentioned time and time again, I don't like targeting it, but I feel I have to.

Need to increase driving licence age
Catch of the Day
28 January 2006

THE accident which occurred in Ras Al Khaimah last week, claiming two lives and causing injuries to four others was said to have been caused by a car driven by a 17-year-old young man.


The youth was also killed in the accident for driving on the wrong side of the road and colliding head-on with another motor vehicle. The incident has prompted us to call for opening the file of the candidates eligible for a driving licence.

The question is: Did the accident take place because of the driver’s young age? Did his age make him drive recklessly and on the wrong side? The answer to these questions, unfortunately, is most likely to be ‘yes’. This serves as an eye-opener that could prompt traffic officials to increase the age of applicants for obtaining the driving licence.

Moreover, the traffic departments should beef up the number of patrols, especially cops riding on motorcycles through the roads and streets (particularly on the main thoroughfares) to deter the youth — who are not mature enough to judge the perils of their actions — from speeding, endangering the lives of others as well as their own.

The presence of patrols will draw the attention of whoever wants to act foolishly and dangerously on the roads. This will make the ‘rash driver’ think several times before indulging in any deadly move.

Link to Article

Let's run over that with our eyes again;

THE accident which occurred in Ras Al Khaimah last week, claiming two lives and causing injuries to four others was said to have been caused by a car driven by a 17-year-old young man.

The title of the article;

Need to increase driving licence age

The minimum age for obtaining a drivers license is 18 years.

Link to Article

I have heard that wastafarians are able to obtain licenses at 16, but I have never had this verified by anyone of substance.

So, exactly why would you say the age at which people can get licenses should be increased, when your evidence is someone who was driving under age and 99.9% probably without a license (unless there has been some major change of legal driving age which NOT ONE SINGLE WHINGING EXPAT has moaned about via letters-to-the-editor)

In the wise words of Maddox of The Best Page In The Universe (which is blocked in the UAE);

"Wooo WOOO. Here comes the clue train, last stop is you!"

In case it actually needs pointing out, seeing as the driver was UNDER the legal age of driving in the UAE, whether or not the age at which spoilt children with Ferrari's can recieve driving licenses was increased to 45 years of age WOULDN'T MAKE ANY DIFFERENCE.

In case anyone can't understand this concept;
Here is a grapical representation (because that's what people with the IQ of a 4 year old require);

click for a larger copy

Glad to see my excellent Microsoft Excel skills have finally become of usage. Not.
It isn't going to make a difference if you raise the legal driving limit, because these people are still going to drive illegaly;
Decreasing it to 16 may improve driving standards only if the licence obtaining process is absolutely brutal and any that get through that and then chose to drive on two wheels or "driving on the wrong side of the road and colliding head-on with another motor vehicle" need to be absolutely pounced upon by the police and should be made to not be able to drive until they are at least 29.

Of course we can dream can't we?
But as was once said on a movie sometime somewhere;
"Wish in one hand and **** in the other, see which one fills up first"

The question is: Did the accident take place because of the driver’s young age? Did his age make him drive recklessly and on the wrong side? The answer to these questions, unfortunately, is most likely to be ‘yes’.

uhh. how about no.
Guess what? I know people with learner plates (16 years is the license age here in Australia) that can drive with more competence than many drivers of double, triple and in some cases quadruple that age in Dubai.

Do you know what happens in Australia if you speed with a regular license, or a learners license? You get in trouble, you get fined, you get your license taken away, you get in real trouble.
Do I need to point out the contrast in dubai?
I will because I think 4 year olds need it pointed out.
You speed in Dubai and you get a fine. Nothing more. And more often than not, something less, as in NO FINE because you didn't get caught.


NOTE: it was pointed out to me that motorcycle licenses are obtainable at the ripe age of 17, but the article clearly states he was driving a car.

Copycats

It appears a term I coined 3-4 years back has been copied by some piece of uncreative crap.

Here

Would that make him a wastafarian?

followed by some idiots comment of;

Wastafarian, lol! Good 'un, BH!

Guess what? YOU COPIED MY DAMN TERM. I INVENTED THE DAMN WORD, DON'T COPY IT.

according to Urbandictionary.com;
a Wastafarian is also a reference to a white-rastafarian. They didn't copy that off me, but the first link is in reference to wasta and as such wastafarianism.

There are 44 google hits for wastafarian, and 0 for wastafarianism.

Some idiot copied my damn word and made it into a damn forum username.

I have both friends and family who can vouch for me having invented the word 3-4 years ago, so don't copy my damn word. I don't like idiots using it, you tarnish the word, and if I see ANY publication use the term, I will go apeshit.

Just so you all know, I INVENTED THE DAMN WORD, SO DON'T COPY IT.

For future reference;

proxified

If you are reading this via BLOGLINES or an RSS reader or through UAE.IOPBLOGS.COM, There is an update on my blog on the subject of "Interesting Articles...", please click on this text or click on the title to read the posting in full

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An interesting set of articles are linked to below, apparantly they are unavailable, I can only see them as I live in Australia.

• http://www.hetq.am/eng/society/0503-dub-1.html
• http://www.hetq.am/eng/society/0503-dub-2.html
• http://www.hetq.am/eng/society/0503-dub-3.html
• http://www.hetq.am/eng/society/0503-dub-4.html
• http://www.hetq.am/eng/society/0502-dub-1.html
• http://www.hetq.am/eng/court/0410-prison.html
• http://www.hetq.am/eng/society/h-1203-trafficking-1.html
• http://www.hetq.am/eng/society/h-1203-trafficking-2.html

I will provide a single quote to describe what they are about;

One Armenian prostitute said that Tigran requires the girls to get an injection every month. “He says that it's against AIDS,” Diana from Hrazdan explained. She really believes that she is being inoculated against AIDS. When we told her that there was no such drug, she was amazed. “Then what are they giving us?”

An interesting read, but unavailable for a great number of people.

anti-social

(non controversial posts will not have the archive preventing Lorem Ipsum)

I was just reading over my ISP's form for upgrading my prehistoric 512/128 KBPS connection to a bitching-fast 8/1 MBPS connection (69$ AUD for a month with 40 GB of data allowance (DL) and an extra 40 GB from any peered servers);
I found this statement to be funny;

The service will not be used for any illegal or anti-social purposes, or breach any of (censored)’s Terms & Conditions. Any breach of these terms may result in (censored) canceling the account.

Anti-social?
THE ENTIRE INTERNET IS ANTI-SOCIAL.

I guess that means that every single user of the service that has visited a website rather than running around in the great outdoors has breached this contract.

Disturbing

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Today whilst waiting for a kebab at the local kebab shop here in Perth, Australia, I think I saw pretty much one of the most disturbing things i've ever seen.

A down-syndrome chinese man with a brown paper bag, which he pulled a bottle of beer from, i'm very certain he was down syndrome though I can't say that I am 100% sure of this;
He was an alcoholic, and didn't appreciate me staring at him in amazement, he began pointing at me, and, it was quite disturbing. He then began walking around and either hiccupping or he had some sort of disorder causing him to shake randomly.

I have to say that Dubai rocks in that respect, if I go into the city opposite the train station here, it's full of crack/smack/speed/weed/alcohol addicts walking around trying to get a fix;

YOU GOT A DOLLA' MATE?

I never give them money, cos a lot of them just smash people in the face and take their entire wallets rather than the 3.50$ of generosity they were about to hand over.

I've never seen any drug addicts in Dubai, it's an entire side of society that is almost entirely non-existant in Dubai, or they just punish it well enough that no one is stupid enough to become a smack-head.

School is out for expats.

If you are reading this via BLOGLINES or an RSS reader or through UAE.IOPBLOGS.COM, There is an update on my blog on the subject of "schoool", please click on this text or click on the title to read the posting in full

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There is yet another debate raging on in the 7days letters to the editor page (I have to say 7days kicks the crap out of other papers in the letters to editor department, they publish letters with great speed rather than 20 days down the track (yes Gulf News, i'm talking about you) also they print stuff that actually matters)

The boarding school debate and standards
Friday, 27 January 2006

Re: the boarding school debate. To the Disillusioned British parent; Jumeirah Jane…………Wake Up!! Obviously since you have moved to Dubai, you have lost complete touch with reality and the real world outside of your Starbucks in Spinneys conclave.

I too am a British parent, who is very satisfied with the schooling here in Dubai, as the majority are. Most schools put considerable effort in to ensuring that our children do the very best that they can whilst being educated.

They give them support and know by and large each students strengths and weaknesses. For sure there may be those you never make the grades expected of them, but that is not different than back home and is a fact of life.

The reality of life back home is those who regularly don’t make the grades get lost in the abyss and will never reach their full potential as the teachers simply don’t have the time and resources to help.

I suggest you get off your perch, add some thing to the schools and community, and above all, help your child achieve their maximum potential. If you don’t like it here, go back home and get lost in the abyss.

Dubai Resident, UAE

Letters to Editor

I hate this letter.
I am going to dissect it, I haven't slept in 24 hours, and i'm completely going to own it.

I too am a British parent

Firstly, allow me to announce this to you on behalf of the universe;
NO ONE GIVES A SHIT
Whoopdeedoo you have a British passport; do you want a cookie or something? Shut up and stop trying to dish out your stupid superiority complex on people, it's obvious that since you're doing this in the form of trying to brag about your nationality, that you are unsecure about yourself. Here's a clue, find something better to brag about, keep in mind that no matter what you brag about you're still going to be perceived as an idiot. No one cares if you're British, get over it, it is nothing to be proud about, don't try and distinguish your "superiority" over the "groundlings" by proudly announcing your nationality, shut up, the only reason I think you've done that is because you are RACIST.
Sorry to British people reading this, but that is something i've noticed, a vast number of British people (by no means all of them, and by no means just British people, but I do generalise because it's what I hear the most) enjoy proclaiming themsevles as "British this" or "British that". Nobody cares, be what you're going to be and stop wasting everyone's time by telling them about it.

I too am a British parent who is very satisfied with the schooling here in Dubai, as the majority are. Most schools put considerable effort in to ensuring that our children do the very best that they can whilst being educated.

They give them support and know by and large each students strengths and weaknesses. For sure there may be those you never make the grades expected of them, but that is not different than back home and is a fact of life.

Secondly, how is it that they can loudly claim that they are "satisfied" with schooling in the UAE.
Seems that the time is ripe for a second NEWS FLASH.
NEWS FLASH: YOU AREN'T IN THE SCHOOL YOURSELF SO YOU CAN'T BE SATISFIED, STOP LYING.
I love how a vast number of expat parents love to praise/hate schools in the UAE;
CLUE TRAIN, YOU AREN'T GOING THROUGH THEM YOURSELVES AND UNTIL YOU DO SHUTUP.
That's like saying "I am satisfied with mercedes suspension system" when you infact own a corolla, IT'S CALLED LYING.

Other humorous letters in the same page;

Some of the schools I came across here cared only about their social cachet and your money.

I found this comment so enlightening and such a never-before-seen view;
that is why I write this;
*SHOCK* *HORROR*
You're like Sherlock Holmes, you are so ingenious, how is it you have come to make such an observation, maybe you have X-ray glasses?

In response to the Disillusioned British Parent. I’m a British student who happens to go to one of these ‘bog standard’ schools, in fact I have had my whole education in the UAE.

Dubai’s education in British schools could not be better, schools such as Dubai College, English College and Jumeriah College provide an excellent standard of education where I happen to know that the majority of the students ( and if you don’t believe me do the research) gain A-C passes at GCSE level.

Again with the "British" prefix, NO ONE GIVES A DAMN.
Key phrases in this letter;

I have had my whole education in the UAE.

Dubai’s education in British schools could not be better

Interesting that they feel they can make such an observation, and say how much the schools rock-so-damn-hard if they've never seen any others;
Guess what?
You need to stay in school for many, many more years, you sound like an idiot.

I have just applied to university and with my fellow students have managed to get into some of the best universities in Britain, including Cambridge, LSE, and York. Now if the education standard was rubbish would we be going to there this summer? It is you that is obviously ‘so far up‚ your own backside’.

Again with the "British" remark, yawn yawn yawn yawn.

I am Johnny Ping-Pong, notorious Hong Kong gangster, I launch my Hong Kong Ping-Pong balls onto the people of Hong Kong with my oh-so-special Hong Konganeese Ping-Pong paddles. (Yeah I just invented a word so shutup).

DO YOU SEE MY POINT?
DOES ANYONE CARE WHERE THE HELL JOHNNY PING PONG IS FROM? OR THE FACT THAT HE GOES TO A HONG KONGANEESE SCHOOL? OR THAT HE IS A HONG KONGANEESE PARENT?

I have two words for people that prefix everything with their own nationality in an effort to make them sound better;
Pompous

Brokeback mountain

Apparantly there is some ginormous debate about some crappy movie involving a gay cowboy.

As Muslims, we should not be scared of gay people. I am trying to learn to hate the sin and not necessarily the person. After all their lifestyle often involves abuse of any and all substances as well as sexual experiences.

I guess many of them have been born into a system of abuse and perpetuate the same cycle of along to their victims. They regularly contract strange diseases that are further mutated by their abundant substance abuse.

Often they evolve in to paedophiles (majority have had homosexual experiences). They are outcast by their own people and exist only in the "politically correct" illusion of the free society that must tolerate them as a result of their precious value system.
...
To all those people who wish for this Brokeback movie to come to UAE I do not think it should come. This is an Islamic country, and you should respect the religion of this country. It is not up for discussion or debate.

Our religion is clearly against such acts and practices. Homosexuality is wrong. It does not repopulate the society, it only spreads AIDS. If this movie is shown in Dubai, it will just open the gate for more corruption.

Our religion is not here to accommodate for the needs of expats wishing to see a homosexual film. If you would like to see such a film, catch a plane to a country where it is showing, don't ask for such films to come to Dubai to meet your needs.

Link to Article

I guess it's the aspect of people saying that the local culture and religion should be respected, which is fair enough...

I love it when debates like these pop up, I have a REALLY good question, where exactly where all these so called moral do-gooders when Channel 33, and ONE TV showed the TV show "The Bold and the Beautiful" for the past 15 years?

I mean seriously, if you're going to get uptight about a movie involving GAY COWBOYS, which can be affixed a rating of 18, and no children can see it, then you should be vomiting intermittently, because "The Bold and the Beautiful" was shown on NATIONAL TELEVISION every evening at 7:30 (i'm pretty sure that was the time).

Despite Channel 33's best efforts to censor naughty kissing in the series, which would usually involve usually a female and a male actor coming closer together, and then skipping to walking away, in fact, I also witnessed an occassion when Channel 33's censors censored two characters kissing on a childrens cartoon, Anyway, Despite Channel 33's best efforts to censor naughty kissing in the series, You couldn't disguise the premise of "The Bold and the Beautiful".

I know some housewife out there is going to bag me for dissing the holy grail of bad daytime TV, but i'm going to do it anyway.

Let's take a look at TWO OUT OF OVER ONE HUNDRED of the actors on "The Bold and the Beautiful".


Ridge Forrester Sr.
He's an ordinary everyday idiot

According to here

Past Marriages

Caroline Spencer (deceased)
Taylor Hamilton (divorced; first time)
Brooke Logan (invalid; first time)
Brooke Logan (annulled; second time)
Taylor Hamilton (second time)
Brooke Logan (2003; invalid; third time)
Brooke Logan (2004; invalid; fourth time)
Taylor Hamilton (2005; vow renewal)

Children

Unnamed Child (1980s; abortion; with Morgan)
Unnamed Child (1989; miscarriage; with Brooke)
Thomas Hamilton Forrester (1998; son; with Taylor)
Stephanie Forrester (1999; twin daughter; with Taylor)
Phoebe Forrester (1999; twin daughter; with Taylor)
Unnamed Son (stillborn; with Morgan; 2001)
Ridge Forrester Jr. (2004; son; with Brooke)

Flings & Affairs

Morgan DeWitt
Alex Simpson
Brooke Logan
Taylor Hamilton
Rhonda (Bikini club waitress)
Lauren Fenmore
Morgan DeWitt (adulterous; one-night stand)

Crimes Committed

Took the blame for attempted murder of Grant Chambers.
Assaulted Ambrosia Moore.

I think they should add "being born" to this guys list.


Now I know i'm going to get some moron in here who thinks that men are immune from ever having an affair or doing anything at all wrong, so to give my argument added strength, here is another actor on "The Bold and the Beautiful"...


Brooke Logan
She slept with everyone

What's so bad about Brooke Logan you ask?

Take a look over here.

Past Marriages

Eric Forrester Sr. (1991 to 1993; divorced)
Ridge Forrester Sr. (1994 to 1995; invalid)
Grant Chambers (1996 to 1997; invalid)
Ridge Forrester Sr. (1998; annulled)
Thorne Forrester (2001; invalid)
Whipple Jones III (2002; annulled)
Ridge Forrester Sr. (2003 to 2004; invalid)
Ridge Forrester Sr. (2004; invalid)

You thought I was kidding when I said she slept with EVERYONE?

How many children does she have?

Children

Unnamed Child (1989; miscarriage; with Ridge)
Eric Forrester Jr. (with Eric Forrester, 1990)
Bridget Forrester (with Eric Forrester, 1992)
Hope Logan (with Deacon Sharpe, 2002; adopted by Nick)
Ridge Forrester Jr. (with Ridge Forrester Sr., 2004)
Eric Forrester III (grandson; deceased)

What else has she done?

Flings & Affairs

Dave Reed (engaged in 1987)
Ridge Forrester (1988-1989, 1991-1992, 2003)
Connor Davis (1993)
James Warwick (engaged in 1994)
Pierce Peterson (fling in 1998)
Victor Newman (fling in 1998)
Thorne Forrester (lovers from 1999 to 2000, engaged in 1999)
Deacon Sharpe (adulterous affair from 2001 to 2002)
Dominick Marone Sr. (dated in 2003; also lovers)

Crimes Committed

» Hid Ridge’s love letter for Caroline on Caroline and Thorne’s wedding day.
» Cheated on Eric with Ridge
» Hid the fact Taylor was alive and tried to get her back in Morocco
» Kidnapped Rick and Bridget and fled to Barbados
» Was wrongly accused of tampering with Bridget's paternity tests.
» Hid Thomas’s paternity from Ridge
» Moved up her wedding day to prevent Taylor from ruining it
» Faked a pregnancy and miscarriage to keep Ridge from Taylor and Thomas
» Paid Amber to walk out of Rick’s life
» Tried to break Ridge and Taylor’s marriage several times
» Trapped her son into kissing another girl to break up his relationship with Amber
» Slept with her daughter’s husband

Keep in mind this is a look at only two out of over one hundred actors on the Bold and the Beautiful.
wow, Brokeback Mountain looks really offensive now doesn't it?

Please tell me what sounds worse;

A raw, powerful story of two young men, a Wyoming ranch hand and a rodeo cowboy, who meet in the summer of 1963 sheepherding in the harsh, high grasslands of contemporary Wyoming and form an unorthodox yet life-long bond--by turns ecstatic, bitter and conflicted.

or how or how the plot of episode Four Thousand Seven Hundred and Twenty Seven of "The Bold and the Beautiful" reads...

Brooke tries to convince Taylor that she and Ridge can work things out, but Taylor tells her that it’s over. Taylor continues to insult Brooke until she finally snaps back and calls Taylor a hypocrite. Taylor then tells Brooke to go ahead and give Ridge everything that she never could. Ridge tells Stephanie that his marriage with Taylor is over. He then accuses her of not caring about his real happiness and admits that he is still in love with Brooke. Ridge tells Stephanie that he intends to ask Brooke to marry him. Nick tells Bridget about her mother’s visit. Bridget asks Nick not to make things difficult if Brooke decides to get back together with Ridge, but he seems uneasy with the thought.

Ok, so let's add this up;

"Bold and the Beautiful"
4728 x 20 minutes = 94560 minutes / 60 minutes = 1576 hours / 24 hours = 65.666666666666666666666666666667 days worth of affairs, homosexual relationships, incestuous relationships, crime, treachery, treason, murder, deceit, lies and a few hundred thousand other things inbetween involving over 100 actors (the list is so long that I lost count half way through.)

"Brokeback mountain"
134 minutes of a forbidden and secretive relationship between two cowboys

The best posting about traffic ever.

I’ve had one instructor look at me as though I was mad when I asked to be taught hill starts and three-point turns, saying that I wouldn’t be tested on them; another prefaced every instruction with “the examiner will be watching for that”.
....
A lot of this is about money. One instructor has told me she feels pushed by students into letting them take the test, because they can’t afford to keep taking lessons. I found the big name school I eventually joined to be the most thorough, but the amount you have to pay up front – a minimum of 35 lessons, at Dh1,500-plus – puts it out of reach of many who just want to get through quickly and cheaply.
...
New drivers are not the only, or even the main, problem on our roads. But we are missing a brilliant opportunity to start tackling the issue at the grass roots, by creating a new generation of proactive, educated drivers – and making them the best on the road from the start.

Link to Article

This isn't the first time i've read about the "education" argument, but I thought, after reading this statement;

New drivers are not the only, or even the main, problem on our roads. But we are missing a brilliant opportunity to start tackling the issue at the grass roots, by creating a new generation of proactive, educated drivers – and making them the best on the road from the start.

and after carefully avoiding direct mention of driving, i'd give my two cents.

Welcome to the best damn look at bad driving since the invention of the car.

Here's a thought for all of you.

IT ISN'T ABOUT EDUCATION, IT NEVER HAS BEEN, AND IT NEVER WILL BE

I'm sorry but that just won't cut it in my world. Here's a primary rule, IF YOU HAVE A BRAIN, YOU USE IT.

It's like saying "fat people eat food they don't know is bad for them".
Shutup. It isn't.
I have NEVER EVER EVER MET ONE SINGLE FAT PERSON WHO DOESN'T KNOW THAT FATTY FOOD IS BAD FOR THEM.
IT'S COMMON LOGIC;

EAT DONUTS FOR BREAKFAST, DINNER AND LUNCH = FAT ASS

whereas...

EAT SALAD FOR BREAKFAST, DINNER AND LUNCH = NOT FAT ASS

Instead of them stopping eating the damn food, which is about as simple as the concept of "pouring a glass of water", they continute eating bad food, the IQ doesn't go up, and the stupidity continues.

I thought i'd tackle this problem in a way unlike anyone else has.

I'm going to put pictures for you.

You see that?
IT'S A LINE.

CAN YOU WALK IN A STRAIGHT LINE?
I CAN TOO, I LEARNT HOW TO WALK IN A STRAIGHT LINE WHEN I WAS A TODDLER. SO DID YOU.

So assuming that the average person who drives in Dubai can walk in a straight line, shouldn't they be able to keep IN THE MIDDLE OF THE LANE, CLEARLY INDICATED BY THE BIG FREAKING WHITE LINES EITHER SIDE OF IT? I MEAN REALLY, IT'S A SIMPLE SYSTEM, IT'S LIKE PARKING A CAR BETWEEN TWO LINES (ok, bad example), OR PUTTING A COIN INSIDE A COKE MACHINE.

You know what it is? It's in everyone's minds, the offenders know that at the end of the day, and we know at the end of the day, for every person that get's fined for driving on the hard shoulder, there are about three hundred and seventy five thousand others in the same incident who WON'T GET A DAMN FINE.
[censored]
One in three hundred and seventy five thousand drivers fined for driving on the hard shoulder.
Censored to protect the innocent, oh wait, that's right they're guilty.

You know when you go to Mc Donalds, and there is like a queue with people in it;
Do you...
A. PUSH IN FRONT OF LINE CLAIMING TO BE UNEDUCATED?
or do you...
B. PATIENTLY WAIT IN THE BACK OF THE DAMN QUEUE?

Oh the complexity of that decision...


You know what I like to call it?
It's called being rude, inconsiderate, impatient, and generally idiotic.

If you're going to punch someone in the face, do you warn them beforehand? No.
So if you're looking to piss someone off, you don't use the indicator, it's as easy as that, you are punching someone in the face. Simple.

Read disclaimer at bottom of page
I've been in cars with "younger" drivers who are able to indicate properly, change lanes properly, drive without speeding, and generally respect fellow drivers.
clue: When you are not "younger" you can see movies rated 18, I hope that was a give away, and even so, the disclaimer still applies.

IT ISN'T ABOUT EDUCATION.

Everyone knows that speeding is bad, it's common logic.

CAR CRASH AT SLOW SPEED = NOT SO BAD
Whereas...
CAR CRASH AT HIGH SPEED = BAD

I know 4 year olds that can understand that concept, If you hit someone hard, it'll hurt, if you hit them soft, it won't.
It's simple.

When you see someone that has parked over TWO PARKING SPACES, what do you say?

My goodness Jane of Jumeirah, That man over there really needs some driving lessons, OH SHIVER DARLING, I SPILT SOME EARL GREY TEA ON MY NEW TROUSERS FROM DEBENHAMS, WHAT EVER WILL I DO!

no, you don't.
You say, (in probably not such a nice way),

My goodness Jane of Jumeirah, That man over there really is a wanker/prick.

So when you see someone DRIVING INBETWEEN TWO LANES,
PLEASE DO NOT KID YOURSELVES

THEY ARE NOT SUFFERING FROM A LACK OF EDUCATION, THEY ARE BEING INCONSIDERATE, DON'T LET THEM TRY AND PLAY THE "OH I WAS TAUGHT AT BEL HASA AND DO NOT KNOW HOW TO DRIVE" CARD ON YOU, UNLESS YOU ARE AN IDIOT TOO.

How much skill does it really take to drive inbetween a set of lines? It isn't as if you're operating on someone's spinal column, or hacking into the NSA, you're holding a damn steering wheel in a stationary position.

The only reasons the people who don't drive well in Dubai don't drive well is because;
A.) They are inconsiderate.
B.) They know they can get away with it 374,999 times out of 375,000.
C.) They don't pay attention when they drive.

NEW RULE: IF YOU CAN'T PAY ATTENTION TO THE ROAD, PLEASE CRASH INTO A TREE.

It isn't because they can't.
I could drive well, and I don't even have a damn license.

As for tailgating etc, it's still because they're inconsiderate, if they were paying attention, they would keep distance from the car infront.
IT'S LOGIC.

CLOSE TO CAR IN FRONT + CAR IN FRONT STOPS QUICKLY = LOTS O' DAMAGE

Whereas....

ADDED DISTANCE FROM CAR IN FRONT + CAR IN FRONT STOPS QUICKLY = MOST PROBABLY NO DAMAGE

When bad drivers tailgate, they are being INCONSIDERATE AND DAMN IMPATIENT.

You see the BIG RED LIGHT THAT WE LEARNT ABOUT ON SESAME STREET?
If you need a license to know what colour means go, please visit this link (YOU CAN EVEN PRINT IT OUT AND COLOUR IT IN!)
(If you've figured out how to start the car, i'd assume you know what colour is GO and what colour is STOP)

In conclusion, i'd say the only way Dubai is going to experience a dramatic improvement in driving standards is if the police really toughen up, and arrest EVERYONE who breaks the law. (or you could remove safety labels on chainsaws and flamethrowers and let the problem solve itself)


PS: If any journalists write about this in the near future, it means they copied me, because i'm better than them, and everyone knows that I am making a damn valid point in this post.

Perfect no more.

Worker arrested in labour dispute - witnesses
Wednesday, 18 January 2006


At least one worker was arrested yesterday morning at a labour camp in Ajman after a fight between company authorities and workers, witnesses said.

The incident occurred at 4.00 am when company officials asked the workers of Perfect and Atlantic Maintenance to return to work.

More than 600 workers have been refusing to return to work for more than a week, claiming they have not been paid. The men allege an official pushed one of the labourers. The workers reacted by attacking the official, and police were called.

One worker was arrested and two others were apparently taken as witnesses. There were also reports of a scuffle with police. Ajman police declined to comment, although it is understood the worker has been freed. Talks to resolve the dispuute were on going.

Link to Article

Link to Another Article about the same story

It seems the perfect group is perfect no more.
What an embarrassment for the UAE;

The men allege an official pushed one of the labourers. The workers reacted by attacking the official, and police were called.

So acting in self defence can get you arrested?

Rather than waste time bothering with "negotiations", which should just be named "comforting criminals", the government shouldn't be helping these companies with ripping off their employees, if you work, you get paid, if these companies don't have to follow the law then why should anyone else? It is absolutely pathetic that the police can't bust down the owners door and cuff him then and there, isn't it so that if you cash a cheque and it bounces you get arrested? so why hasn't the owner been arrested?

How can they "resolve" the dispute? Make the company pay up, or shut them down and arrest the people responsible. Simple as that. No grey area, if you rip someone off like they do, you deserve to be arrested, blacklisted, given bad credit, and have the words "I RIP PEOPLE OFF!" tattooed on your forheads, if you are not a UAE national I don't see why they are hesitant to not just kick them out of the country, or better yet, regardless of nationality, throw them in Al-Wathba prison for a long long time, and even better yet, make their key out of solid gold, and give it to the labourers and let them decide whether they want to melt it down and make some money (a right they were previously denied), or let the idiots out after 20 years.

I just wonder where all the money that should be given to these labourers (not that there is that much of it (that's a reference to how little they get paid)) goes, because obviously they wouldn't have employees if they didn't have jobs to apply the workers too, so i'm guessing that there is some sort of a proverbial "My wife needs a new Mercedes" fund in there.

Is it really that difficult to just shut down these idiots straight away rather than waste days, weeks, and months of everyones time? They are OBVIOUSLY in the wrong, and i'm sure that 400 protesting workers doesn't look good beside the plush hotels on the tourists brochures, not that they'd print this kind of stuff.

skype this.

As many bloggers have already commented on;

However, an official at the Telecommunications Regulatory Authority insisted that making internet phone calls illegal was not motivated by a desire to protect Etisalat.

“We are protecting customers,” said Mohamed Gheyath, manager of IT affairs at the authority, who said that the companies selling pre-paid cards enabling customers to make internet calls have no licence and therefore there is no guarantee they comply with security and quality service standards.

Link to Article

Of course they can't explain why skype is blocked, because it is a well reputed company that provides a damn good service time and time again;
I just wrote a letter to emirates today, i'll just paste that in here instead;

I'd like to know where the TRA which claims it blocks skype to ensure "quality service" was when Etisalat experienced undersea cable cuts on two seperate occasions, and did not have an as-advertised redundant network, and did not refund any of it's customers?
Are we supposed to accept such a blatant profiteering response from them always?
If they don't step in when Etisalat rips off its customers by not offering refunds when their network is down, then why should they step in when cheaper phone calls are being provided with probably better service than Etisalats own service? Because they didn't step in when Etisalat experienced cable cuts the customers recieved unsatisfactory service, and were insulted by Etisalat representatives claiming it wasn't their fault.
Etisalat made a great profit during that time (think about it, they wouldn't have had to have paid for any of the bandwidth for literally the whole of the UAE) due to lack of intervention by the TRA, and now when the TRA does decide to intervene, Etisalat makes more money.
Furthermore, i'd like to know exactly who Etisalat thinks they're kidding when they don't block skype.com with their normal block page, they manage to slap that thing onto hundreds of other sites with a nonchalant attitude, so why the difference for skype? does their usual moral disclaimer not apply? I'd assume then that this is an effort to thwart novice users into thinking that skype.com itself is down.
Etisalat is an embarassment to the UAE and customer care standards and I hope they do manage to improve one day, but hey, I think i've been along with everyone else hoping for this for the past 10 years, glad I don't have to put up with them anymore, my ISP and telephone company in Australia have managed to be far superiour on just about every single level compared to Etisalat.

your sincerely,
anonymous.

flickr 2

Keep in mind I am located in Australia at the time of writing this, the internet is not censored here, and my access to flick is completely legal, unlike some people who will probably enjoy their time in prison because they're bragging about doing something illegal. (you can't click on that link if you are in the UAE, cry me a river)

While listening to an album by War, "Why Can't We Be Friends?", i got bored and decided to see how the UAE flickr community is learning to live without access to their no. 1 favourite site.

Remember, this album is better than you.

After 5 minutes of barely reading the crap on that site, cos it's 4:43 AM, I can conclude the following; Thank you Etisalat for blocking flickr.com.

With messages like these;

Is the battle that we are fighting together finalized to guaranty for any person in UAE, Arabs or not, rich or not, Muslim or not, male or not, heterosexual or not, rich and with power or not, the same freedom of expression?

i'd be embarrassed too.
What the hell does "guaranty" mean?
Feminists please read my no.1 favourite part of this comment; "male or not"

Some random dude thought he'd let his opinion be known too.

and yes i am proud that Etisalat blocks the pornographic sites.. its just that we are complaining that they have the wrong impression of flickr.. and they blocked it becase they thought it was a pornographic site.

Keep in mind this is Etisalat's official response to the blocking;

"we are treating flickr as we are treating pornographic sites. the increasing number of porno pictures in the pages was what made us block the site. we will NOT unblock it, as we did before, because we consider it to be a pornographic site and we will not allow those kinds of images to be viewed by our users. sorry for the inconvenience."

After viewing this response, I was completely clueless and quite disheartened as to how Etisalat could gather such an opinion of Flickr, how could someone "censure" (someone actually spelt it that way) such a totally rad cool site with it's big bad proxy? How could it bring the following equation together?
FLICKR + PORNOGRAPHY = BLOCKED.
So i put on a detective hat, loaded up my desktop with stock photographs of people using magnifying glasses;

No, i'm not female, and if i get one offer of 'nice friendship' in my inbox, you will die.
I decided to draw out this plan before putting my crack detective skills to usage;

Operation: How on Earth did Etisalat get the “wrong impression” about pornography?

Plan:

• Type nude in flickr's search engine.
• Receive a cookie.

So i followed my plan, i typed "nude" in the search box. AND I'LL BE DAMNED. 18679 photos.
let me rephrase that for people who can't read already-bold-and-quite-damned-large-fonts,
18679 photos.

You can't have your censorship one way and not the other. Flickr has a fairly large amount of pornography so why shouldn't it be blocked?

Here is a good question, a moral-of-the-ranting if you will;

Would you email Etisalat asking them to unblock Flickr?

I'm sure someone out there has.
After using my crack detective skills, i've come the conclusion (yes i'm cool enough to have two conclusions) that asking etisalat to unblock flickr is like asking them unblock playboy.

NOT GONNA HAPPEN.

I was about to go to sleep until I saw the amount of international people that have joined in this "protest", and obviously have no idea.
The best i saw from them was this;

You're kidding me right? I thought Etisalat's block message was already clear enough

obviously this person was under the impression that there is someone in the UAE who isn't aware the internet is censored, I know it took me several years to understand what that big text that says "SITE BLOCKED" meant.

I was about to go to sleep again, until i saw some online petition that some dude did, and then i realised that online petitions never achieve anything.

Yet again i was just about to go to sleep, when i decided after reading a "different" comment that i should make this a fair and balanced view;
idea from this dude who posted on some stupid thread that was never going to achieve anything.


There, now this argument is balanced.

Ski Dubai

What a surprise, i'm right, and even when i'm wrong i'm right. That's my motto, and of course going by the motto, i am right.

I previously estimated that ski dubai would be entertaining in their quest to keep people who didn't know how to drive off the slopes.

I think before the government thinks up any schemes to improve driving standards in the UAE, they should just go to Ski Dubai, and test them out.

Apparantly they came up with a fool proof method of ensuring people who didn't know how to ski would have to take up their very cheap lessons (HA, that's what i call sarcasm).

I have a friend called Ahmed, i don't need to disguise his name, i wonder how many Ahmed's are located in dubai?

Recently while enjoying the finest apple shisha in all of dubai, he told me of this tale;
He went to ski dubai, with the intention of snow boarding while his friends were skiing.

So he goes to ski dubai.

(this is a made up conversation, i don't know exactly what he said to get them to believe he knew how to snowboard, but basically somehow he got them to believe he knew how to snowboard).

Act 1, Scene 1

AHMED:"i want to go snowboarding"
SKI DUBAI:"do you know how to snowboard?"
AHMED:"yes"

So he pays, and goes to the top of the slope. He then proceeds to snow board down the slope.

Forgetting one thing...

He doesn't know how to slow down...
And neither do his two friends who are skiing.

Knowing Ahmed as I do, he was probably wearing a dish-dash, which would've made this even funnier to watch, though i wasn't there watching. (from a realistic point of view, they cover everyone in winter jacket type stuff to insulate them from the amazing power of the air conditioning system, so this dish-dash speeding down the slope idea is a tad unrealistic, though it'd be a funny skit on some comedy show)

So they all head down the slope, both of the dudes skiing fail to slow down properly and both fall over and begin tumbling down the hill.

Ahmed continues straight down the slope at "full throttle" (the slope doesn't go straight down, it sort of goes onto a little flat thing, and then continues down again, i'll try and find a picture of it), hits first flat part at terminal velocity, flies into air, lands, and then proceeds down the second hill.

fast.

he's going really fast.

SMACK into the wall at the end of the slope.

Filipino Ski Dubai employee runs towards him
Act 1, Scene 2
"what? YOU'RE CRAZY!"

Needless to say, after hurting himself a great deal, Ahmed has resolved himself to playing in the snow park without snowboards and the like for the near future.


I also went to Ski Dubai.
50 dhs per person to play in the snow, which isn't too bad. except for the queue. it had at least 30-40 people in it, so logically, to conform to the unwritten rules of customer care in Dubai, you have two people serving the entire queue.
PS: if anyone wants to film a documentary on bad parenting go with your video camera to the queue for the snow park thing.
It was fun, although i've only played in real real snow once in my life (the type on mountains in new zealand), i'd assume that expecting lightly packed snow that you can jump in is a pretty realistic expectation.

So, in light of the absence of lightly packed snow, i officialy crown Ski Dubai as;
One Big Airconditioning System
Maybe it's more oriented towards people who ski or something, I would've expected more, i would've tried skiing if i had the time/money/care factor to mess around with lessons and the like, but i didn't. It did however succeed in being sub zero in temperature. Good for the novelty factor.

Almost as entertaining as the queue is when we were leaving; someone in my group asked;
Act 2, Scene 1

"have you got everything?"
"I had twenty minutes, but i left it in the queue."

What an excellent idea for t-shirts eh?